Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I despise myself

We Americans (and probably others, too -- it's probably common among lower and middle classes everywhere), but anyway, we Americans love to despise and ridicule snobs and elitists. We do not look up to them. We laugh at them.

There are few snobs and elitists who are easier to despise and ridicule than Starbucks patrons. I mean, four dollars for a cup of coffee that's been beaten to a froth and topped with a squirt of whipped cream? And why can't they use the words "small," "medium," and "large"? What's with the... Italian? It could be Azerbaijani, for all I know. They may even be nonsense words. Yes, it's summertime, and easy to mock those who drink at Starbucks. It's especially painless for Judi and I, since we both hate coffee.

And yet.... A few weeks ago, we were in a local Target, and the Target's in-store food slop was -- can you believe it? -- a Starbucks. Judi was thirsty, and scoured the menu board for something tolerable. Finally she settled on the passionfruit tea.

It was addiction at first sip. That's Judi's own choice of words: "Addicted."

So now I, yes I, I am regularly found in a Starbucks, and I, yes I, can be heard saying, "A venti shaken passionfruit tea, two pumps," holding up two fingers, because if the "two pumps" isn't communicated effectively, then the poor schlep -- er, barista -- will add six pumps, making it too sweet to be drinkable.

And so, now, I can mock myself.



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