Thursday, December 07, 2006

Dateline: Melbourne, FL

Ducks in this small coastal Florida city awoke this morning to find that they had been reclassified and are no longer birds:

Do not feed the ducks or birds

Adding to the confusion in the duck community, it is not clear how ducks are now classified. "If we're not birds, then what are we?" asked an indignant mallard, Jack Webb-foot. "Fish? Mammals? I don't think so."

A large crowd of ducks have gathered, and some can be seen making signs that say, "Don't keep us up in the air," "Do I look like I secrete milk?", "Feather Power!", and the word "Gills" with a circle around it and a strike through it. It looks as though a duck walk -- duck march, that is -- may be forming.

"You know the old saying," said Webb-foot: "If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck." As he stormed off to join the march, his final words to this reporter were, "Quack, quack!"


this is just fowl.

(i couldn't resist)
Ouch! (Which translates as, "I wish I had thought that up myself.") :)

My understanding that the reclassification took place at the request of the ducks. Who would want to belong to a class of animals that includes turkey vultures? Ducks have been raised above the level of common birds, and as a result of this new distinction are now eligible for Medicare Part D and membership in the NRA and the GOP, which is adding them to the voter registration lists even as we speak.
Ducks in the NRA? That brings to mind a vision of some ducks sitting in a blind near a rest stop off the Jersey Turnpike, waiting to see if they can bag themselves a few humans.

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