Monday, December 17, 2007

A Holiday Idea

You know, the economy is getting pretty tough right about now, and I was wondering what kind of effect the subprime mortgage meltdown and skyrocketing oil prices might be having on Santa at the North Pole. "Santa?", I hear you say. "What does oil have to do with Santa?" Well, think about it: He's got this great manufacturing facility up there, and a highly motivated non-union workforce, but, duh, he still needs raw materials. Back in the day when most toys were made of wood, the elves would make runs down to northern Scandanavia and Russia to harvest trees. They hauled the wood back to the North Pole on sleds. But now Santa has to procure plastics. He needs electronic components. The elves have to fabricate flat-screen displays and printed circuit boards. While labor costs might have remained stable for, oh... the last eight-hundred years, the cost of raw materials has really gone through the roof.

So do you think Santa might be in a bit of a cash-crunch situation? Do you think he might be feeling a little pain in the liquidity department? If so, I have just the answer. I was inspired by recent developments regarding sports venues and sporting events:

Santa could auction off the rights to name his reindeer!

Think about it! Doesn't Exxon the Red-nosed Reindeer have a nice ring to it? Sing along with me: "Exxon the red-nosed Reindeer/Had a very shiny nose....". And would it really kill us to sing Exxon the Red-nosed Reindeer to help old Santa out of a bind? Come on, people!

And doesn't "A Visit from St. Nicholas" have real charm when it goes like this:
Now Dupont! now, Dell! now, Pfizer and Verizon!
On, Comcast! On, Cisco! on, on Daimler and Boeing!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!
Maybe Clement Clarke Moore wouldn't approve, but hey, he's dead. It's for us, our generation, to sell make our own traditions after the fashion that we find comfortable and natural.

Ya think?


good idea, but i think you're stopping a little short. what he really needs to auction off is HIS name. Jolly Old Saint Linux Claus! maybe with a name like that, it'd actually beat punkass MS.
Wouldn't "O, Tannenbaum!" sounds just as good and be far more lucrative if its first line were:

"O, Microsoft! O, Microsoft!"
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"

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