Thursday, May 11, 2006


Glenn's stages of expectant parenthood, late baby edition:

Stage 1: Excitement. This stage starts when you first learn that the little tyke is on the way. It is a period of high excitement and activity. Rooms get painted, showers are thrown, cribs and car seats are bought, and names are picked out. It lasts until the due date. Even though the books warn that the due date is an estimate, plus or minus 2 weeks in either direction, the lure of having a hard and fast date to look forward to is too much.

Stage 2: Fashionably late. This stage starts at about 11:30 pm on the due date when the little bundle 'o joy hasn't arrived and you have finally accepted that it isn't going to arrive "on time". It is not dissimilar to when you throw a party and no one arrives on time. You convince yourself that the baby is in the gestation equivalent of a traffic jam and will be along shortly.

Stage 3: So what's the scoop? If you are still waiting about 5 days the sense of intense anticipation is gone and you settle into a period that is not unlike visiting a crowded doctor's office - every time the door opens you hope that they will call your name and the long wait will be over, but deep down you wish you had brought a good book 'cause you know it's going to be a while.

Stage 4: Negotiation. Last night I found myself conversing with my wife's abdomen, strongly implying to the little one that if he or she came out really soon then she or he could expect to see a little something extra in the weekly allowance a few years from now when we actually started giving out weekly allowances. No verbal response, but there were a few good kicks involved on the baby's part.

Stage 5: I'll let you know when we get there.



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